Analytic Symptom #2: Nostalgia

Every now and then, my mind flies out and goes out to nowhere in particular just to find my body unable to take the pressure. Hands shaking, mind racing and ultimately my whole body trembling in the middle of a game I'm suppose to be good at. Or maybe I didn't become good at that either. I didn't have enough energy to do two things at the same time...To wait for her and to waste my time playing a game I wanted to win at. but these things broke me down.

I miss the times when I had to think about what I should do next. To look forward on seeing her again after some 1-2 hours later. To stay at a place that, even though Im not comfortable in, I stay just to fill my time...a place where I can do anything. OK...I miss my whole barkada back in UP but I still got to decide whether Im going to back to living poor with the Up-class people or staying where I can say I belong (well, not the lower class but the mediocre). haha...maybe I really have that "Obssesive Compulsive Disorder" and that "Sleep Apnea" thing and that makes me underconstruction at the time. Maybe I will never be whole again...I hope not...

I just hope to see my memories crystal clear once again as I once did...but what are memories anyway? a bunch of stored chemicals between the medial lobe and the cerebrum that's waiting to be untapped. Well, thats what I get from reading too much psychiatry books and watching Eliza Duskhu (<---I love her) of the "Tru Calling" (in which they say It's true that your whole life DOES flash before your eyes when you die...or before you die that is). Ok...let's say I die...what will I remember?

Age 2: I almost slept while I had banana pealings stuck in my mouth since I was punished for things I did not get...

Age 5: I was happily going to my neighbor then I tripped over a stone. Then I happily stood up and played but my friends run away...I just noticed blood tricking from my forehead...happy times...

Age 11: I bought chocolate (cheap ones I might add) and left it in a classmates seat...Then one Ugly classmate of mine said "nililigawan mo ba kaibigan ko?"...well, that shattered my world!

Age 14: I had my very first...uhmm...never mind..

Age 16: Skip...hehehehe.....

Age 17: naalala ko lagi si Lenneth...or...cya na un...

Age 18: I had the worst year of my life...very low grades...low on cash and low on everything...

Age 19: Well, nothing more...I died right?

Well, I accepted that "I am going to die tomorrow" a long time ago anyway so whats the use...

Well, I Got to move on with life but I want everyone in my life to be there with me all the way...

Nothing else would make me happier...


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I just figured out within the past few days why I am fascinated by the name "Lenneth" I've been using for the past two years...

thats too much of a clue isn't it?....haha

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Nostalgia: State of the mind in which the person experiences different feelings (may be bad or good) about happenings from the past.