Analytic Symptom #30: Withdrawal Syndrome

It seems that everything is crashing down on me like the sky's made of glass. Every tiny bit of things get into me...get into my world...literally.

Im beginning to get tired of everything. I want to find more to whats available but there are no spikes in my cardiograph, just a straight line acting as a means to see if im still alive. Morphologically speaking, Im not. This monotone has eaten half of me and the other half's lurking somewhere in the middle of confusion and uncertainty. At the start, I was always looking forward to a weekend or two but now, Im not even looking forward to tomorrow. Hey all of this is true. I am saying to myself sometimes, "good Life Vic". Hahaha...maybe its the fact that I have accepted my own death three years ago and am now not afraid if ever it comes. I just like to do something...er....heroic just to bring color to me. I dont even know if anybody would remember me a year after that fateful event, if ever it comes. As one of my friends said to me, You're just a blip in the radar. Once a radio arm passes you, you become visible for a second then vanishes again.

True. I never wanted to be above the action. I prefer my Anonimity rather than being a famous freagin brat.

shitness, my heads puffing out.

hahaha...start acting out fool. start taking every bit of info your mind lets you.

You want me to take more info than Im already shaking into my uberly crowded mind? For gods sake, Im reading a pshychology dictionary every other night just to make me sleep, I start from 12 until I hget tired around 2. In fact, Im in letter D now. Well, thats how I knew the meaning of "coprophillia" and now is grossed at the thought of people doing the damned thing.

Not That psycho head. Take you life seriously, dammit. For one, DONT BE DELINQUENT!!! Hell, If Im right, you've taken 5 out of 6 free cuts before the midterms even begin. And you need someone to help you. God, I dont know how you do it, but living a day with only yourself, walking from UP to katipunan everyday (and I mean everyday) and doing things only god knows what is just suicide.

Well, thats better isnt it? No one knows...

Dammit. stop all of this. I cant keep up with all your crap. Your full of contradictions you know. You want this but cant do that. Build something and crush it all down again. Pathetic...just pathetic.

Well, I know Im pathetic, and so are you. So are all of us. Imagine one of your cousins having a go at you just because you had a DotA game of 2 on 1. Imagine someone shouting all his curses once the net shuts down. Imagine a person fhaving a bad trip just because he did not have the kill ar because he lost. Imagine someone say to you to get a damn life. Imagine someone asking people on how to get somewhere and obliges them to answer and condemns you once you dont, while he can have the answer with just one click. Imagine a person being numb enough to not know that he not doing right. Pathetic and Absurd. Yes I am guilty of all charges.

I can't play RF right now. No load, if you know what I mean. Im just wasting my time and money on useless internet time, scouring sites I cant have answers on. Playing games that is just a waste of time (but still fun...). Im withdrawin' from all this. I cant just stop and take the poison my minds been feeding me. Will anybody just let me stop?

I may have those sudden bulges of pain, searing tension and unpredictable stress when Im facing away from my daily/weekly routine. But there no other way out, is there?

My cries are unheard. Maybe I have to start ranting again tomorrow.